(Works-for-Me Wednesday is backwards this week, so I’m asking what works for you!)

We canceled our cable and Internet last spring when we moved to the cabin. I wasn’t happy with the Internet service and knew TV and Internet wouldn’t get used in an empty house, so we saved ourselves about $300 to cancel everything. But now we’re faced with the reality we’re moving home from the cabin, and have none of our electronics hooked up. I called to install a phone line, so we’ll go with DSL this time. But I’m so conflicted about the television.

Up until three years ago, we’d never had cable or satellite television. The four network stations we received were enough, despite their sometimes fuzzy reception. But we’d moved to a remote area that required a 15-foot-tall antenna to acquire a signal, and even then it was iffy.

So we plunged. We got Dish Network, which catered to our perceived need to plug in and zone out. And because of it, we are now the proud parents of two Disney Channel addicts.

And I’m thinking about pulling the plug.

I purchased $15 rabbit ears for our TV and found that we receive one channel perfectly and about three others so-so, if I jimmy the antenna. The kids noticed the TV was on, after three months off, and were very excited, but I didn’t have the heart to explain my evil plan.

I’m inspired by friends like Holly who have done the same thing. This cold-turkey loss of cable may induce some drama in our household, but I’d love to think that it might also lead to better family communication. I guess we’ll see.

I brought up the discussion on Twitter, and Beth at Life with Two Little Vikings suggested I offer up some kind of family reward for the money we’ll save (which would total at least $30 per month.) This may ease the discontent that will surely be communicated when our daughter hears the news.

I’d love to hear about your experiences related to quitting cable, as well as more suggestions on making the switch. Thanks so much!

Good News About Youth and the Adults Who Empower Them:

The “Curriculum”
Off to College
This Quiet House

What does passing the torch mean to you? Is it teaching? Passing traditions? Doing the right thing? Or good news about youth?

Join us each week for Pass the Torch Tuesday.

Former PTT posts.

Our loons have been a relaxing distraction this summer. The two families that we see most often on our lake seem like friends to those who live here — cohabitants of a beautiful waterfront retreat.

The tiny fluffballs that ride on their parents backs in June, are fully capable of diving and even flying by September, but it’s interesting to note that the adults were still feeding their “teenagers” when I shot this photo in August. The parents dive deeply and then return with a morsel, the young loons paddling quickly to reach the adult and take the minnow into their own beak.

And after swallowing the fish, the young loon (on the left) engaged in a sweet habit of circling the adult (on the right.) That’s how I captured this pose - it almost looks like the two are hugging.

As their feathers turn from the stark black and white of spring, to the warm brown hues we see now, I know that autumn is nearly here. I’ll definitely miss our loons when they fly south for the winter…

Wisconsin Loon Series
Early June
Late June
August

For More Wordless Wednesday, please go here or here.

This post is a part of Fussy’s Thursday Happiness Project Thursday.

Join me in setting School Year’s Resolutions. Details at the end of the post.

A few years ago I started reading headlines about “balance,” but I really didn’t get it. That’s because there was little balance in my life – every part of it was all-or-nothing. For a while that attitude helped me to achieve a lot, but as our family and professional lives became more and more complex, my perfectionist streak turned me into a gigantic stress ball.

Did you know?

“Not only does stress and anxiety interfere with your immune system, making you vulnerable to illnesses like the flu, it impairs your body’s ability to respond to its anti-inflammatory signals, putting you at an increased risk of allergies, autoimmune diseases and heart disease. “

-Source - SixWise.com

Some items on the following list are very specific, so your list might look much different than mine. Some ideas may sound selfish, others like no-brainers. But I know from experience, that stress is a cancer that grows and destroys. I’m no good to anyone when my life is not in balance, and I know that little actions can have large impacts.

Some day, I’m sure it will require less to keep an equilibrium, but at this time it’s something I need to be very conscious about. I still lose my balance sometimes, but I’m getting better.

I only mention here what I do pretty regularly - my goals list will come next week in the form of School Year’s Resolutions. Although at times I notice stress creeping back in, the items on this list help me to keep it at bay.

What “balance” means to me:

Attitude

• Choosing not to implement an idea. Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.
• Crossing less crucial items off the to-do list, even if they’re not yet done.
• Keeping a part-time job I enjoy, with a regular paycheck.
• Not fixing everything that’s broken.
• Not replacing things that still work.
• Twittering. In moderation.
• Sometimes going the extra mile. Other times not.
• Resisting the urge to constantly change my blog design - or anything else.
• Sometimes saying, “Yes.” Sometimes, “No.”
• Using the word “sometimes” often. It helps me to resist my all-or-nothing tendencies.
• Regularly reading my favorite blogs, and sometimes clicking through the reader to comment.
• Sometimes marking “all read” on my Google Reader, even when the posts aren’t read.
• Writing on Pass the Torch 2-3 times per week.
• Making most of the decisions about our kids when my husband’s at work, and letting him make most the decisions when he’s home.
• Considering what I will do, instead of what I think someone else should do.
• Letting the dog sleep on the couch, but not in the bed.
• Taking photos, thousands of which will sit unused in my backup drive.
• Watching movies. Watching little other TV.
• Avoiding the ubiquitous negativity that fills many network newscasts - while relying on bloggers and friends to point me toward the news I need.
• Smiling. Laughing.

Organization

• Writing several weeks-worth of posts and auto-scheduling them.
• Combining trips, making visits and running errands on the way.
• Planting a single-tomato-plant garden.
• Installing low-maintenance landscaping.
• Paying a bi-weekly cleaning lady, rather than paying for restaurants.
• Sometimes helping with the kids’ chores (ages 9 and 11) and them helping me to do mine.
• Reading emails in my BlackBerry and responding only in my head.
• Volunteering only in the activities my kids are involved.
• Cooking dinners at home for my husband and both kids.
• Sometimes ordering pizza during the school year, on days I work.
• Not folding the kids’ clothes. Not caring if they end up in their drawers unfolded.
• Pausing as I type this list, to watch a chipmunk jump around on the rocks outside.
• Sometimes letting the grass get too long.
• Letting the dust build up, but using disinfecting cloths regularly in the bath and kitchen.
• Living one mile from school/work.
• Moving to the cabin in the summer.
• Keeping to-do and grocery lists on the fridge. Expecting everyone to add to and accomplish the lists.
• Hanging the laundry to dry on hot days. Using the dryer on cold ones.
• Doing a 10-minute house pickup with the whole family.
• Having company once in a while.
• Doing my QuickBooks business accounting in a marathon session just twice per year.
• Spending my time during off-work days writing and doing business - not housework.
• Washing clothes and dishes, and cooking when the kids are home, can see me do it and help.

Relationships

• Sometimes expecting less. Sometimes giving less than is expected. Sometimes more.
• Sometimes parting ways with my husband and kid(s) during family visits – to efficiently make connections with both families.
• Expanding my definition of “girlfriend” – to neighbor, mom of kids’ friends, co-leader for DI, carpool sharer, colleague
• Calling a friend or family member the day before to see if we can get together, and celebrating when the last-minute visit works.
• Arranging playdates.
• Spending more time with people that help me accomplish the list, and less time with those who hinder it.
• Committing to visit my mom once per month.
• Appreciating the short visits I have with distant friends and family members, rather than grieving the fact I see them so little.

Next week, I’ll share my School Year’s Resolutions. Each year about this time, I do what the rest of the world does January 1. This timing just seems to work better for me. You can see the past two years of resolutions here and here. Won’t you join me? I’ll include a Mr. Linky with my resolutions on August 22.

How do you keep your balance?

Ring-ring

It was my neighbor - the one just down the road with a son the same age as Craig. She asked if I had time to talk.

Uh-oh.

Craig was home, so I knew he was fine, but obviously she was bothered.

“I need to talk to you about how to handle something that’s been happening when Craig has been playing here lately.”

“Okay,” I said.

Jane is not the kind of person who overreacts. She has neighborhood kids at her house all the time. She’s welcoming and kind and sweet. She bakes them cookies and makes everybody sandwiches. She doesn’t harp on kids, and I’ve never seen her grumpy. And she isn’t a negative or critical person at all. So I knew this was a big deal.

“He’s a great kid, and has never been a problem until recently. But the last couple of times, he wrestles too hard with the little kids. And he said something mean to Lane.”

“Really?” This is unusual for Craig.

“Yes, the younger boys had been messing around with Lane’s sword and broke it. Lane was upset about it, and Craig just laughed it off, flippantly saying, ‘Who cares? Just get another one.’ Lane was so upset, I had to send Craig home.”

Whew. I know my kids aren’t perfect, but typically they keep their worst behavior for me. This was the first time I had been confronted by one of them getting “too comfortable” in someone else’s home.

“How would you feel about helping me do my job as a parent here?” I asked her.

“Sure. What should I do?”

“Craig is apparently oblivious to the fact he had anything to do with having to go home. He told me it was because Lane was naughty,” I said. “He’s gotten a little too comfortable at your home and isn’t thinking before acting. But he respects you a lot, and would listen to you far better than me.

“I would suggest that the next time he comes over, you pull him aside, far away from the other kids, and seriously explain to him your expectations. Tell him what happened last time, his role in it, and how it is not acceptable. And tell him he is not allowed to wrestle at all. He’s too big and doesn’t know his own strength. He’s generally clueless about all of this, but your conversation would change that.”

Deep breath. “I think I could do that,” she said.

“I feel badly about putting this back on you, but it would mean the most coming from you. I really want the relationship between the boys to work. And I want his relationship with you to work, which is why it might be better if I stay out of it.”

Craig went back to play and a little while later I received another phone call. She’d had the conversation and he took it very seriously. He was even a little teary. But the boundaries had been drawn. Kids need them so badly. I never said a word to Craig. Nor did he to me. And we’ll keep it that way. His relationship with Jane is in tact - even stronger now. And Jane and I have agreed to keep our lines of communication open about both our boys.

“Thank you for helping me parent my kids,” I told her, seriously. “Isn’t it easier when we help each other?”

I love this neighborhood.

Other torch-passers:
The Dishes Will Wait - My Gene Pool
Dreaming of What Ifs - Preparing Him For the Future

What does passing the torch mean to you? Is it teaching? Passing traditions? Or good news about youth? Join us each week for Pass the Torch Tuesday.Former PTT posts.

Our kids (ages 9 and 11) have long understood that “I’m bored” is not an acceptable expression in our family.

It’s not that they don’t get bored, but as parents we expect the kids to take ownership for their own entertainment. Our kids are better at choosing the fun stuff, and we’re better at running the household and managing the family.

Early on, our kids learned that even indirect expressions of boredom - like sibling squabbling and other irritating behavior - meant that they would lose the relative freedom of choosing their own fun activity, and get put to work by Mom or Dad.

Here are six strategies have contributed to our kids’ ability to direct their own activity.

• We ask the kids to brainstorm weekly activities they’d like us to do together. They understand we are cost-conscious, so their favorites are “bike to Dairy Queen” and “tube down the Apple River.” We’ll probably try Letterboxing too. And I add my standby activities as well — library visits, picnic in the park, nature hike, and museum field trips.

• We maintain a summer calendar and scope out which activities are time-sensitive. This gives us something to look forward to and the structure ensures we all know what to expect. Our weekly schedule includes about three hours of schooling (reading, workbooks, journaling, science experiments), regular chores and a field trip or family activity.

• I include the kids on daily errands and projects. Preteens are very helpful with grocery-shopping and post office runs, as well as yard work or staining the deck. If we keep the work to just an hour or two, it isn’t so taxing and they always know there’s a play date or fun activity to look forward to. My kids also prepare their own breakfasts, and take turns making a simple lunch for the three of us. This way we all feel productive.

• We schedule many opportunities for playing with friends - at least three times per week. Since the kids know they can depend on this, they seem more willing to play with each other on the off-times. And whether the kids are at my house or the friends’ house, I can usually work during this time.

• We provide fun stuff the kids can access on their own. We have a craft bar filled with paint and creative supplies, and computer and Playstation games they can use on a limited basis. Craig plays guitar and Darla reads and journals.

• When our kids tell us they don’t know what they can do, we usually respond with an empowering question, like, “What will you do about that?”

While every family experiences a different dynamic, this system has worked for us. And in the long-run, I hope that their ability to self-direct will help them to make healthy choices as teenagers, when risky choices may become more available. What do you do to encourage your kids to find their own healthy entertainment?

This week Shannon is asking for boredom busters, and I’ll be combing her site for morsels of inspiration. I encourage you to join me!