My daughter turned 13 last week and one of the many rites of passage that comes with teenager-hood, is the legal ability to open a Facebook account.

While I have many concerns about this as a parent, I also know that for the next several years I will have significantly more influence over my daughter than I will for the rest of her life after she graduates. And it occurs to me that it’s better to empower her to make good choices while on the Internet, than to ban her from those potentially dangerous opportunities. Since I wrote a book about youth empowerment, I suppose it would also be hypocritical to block her access to avenues, like Facebook, when done in the right way, its use can be a positive way to network and build relationships.

So I’ve written a contract for my new teenager, with guidance from a lot of my Facebook friends who have already established boundaries for their kids, or have thought about the guidelines they would use.

FACEBOOK (FB) GUIDELINES

I agree to abide by the Facebook guidelines above, and include parents in addressing FB concerns. All terms subject to change by mutual agreement. I understand that if I do not follow them, my Facebook privileges will be suspended.

Do you have any other suggestions? I hope this helps other parents out there who want to empower their teenagers to use Facebook in a positive way – please link to this post and share with all who might benefit!

This week, Darla and I are headed for Cincinnati, to the Healthy Communities/ Healthy Youth Conference. I’ve attended this conference many times over the years and have always been inspired and motivated after leaving it.

My kids have often come with me as well, usually helping with my exhibitor booth for Empowering Youth. In the photo below, Darla is only six, as she hands out brochures to conference attendees at the National Service Learning Conference in 2002.

And at last year’s HCHY conference, she even facilitated a breakout session with me (photo above), based on my book, Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things.

But for the first time, this year Darla is the headliner for our breakout session. She was named a Youth Leader for Literacy last year, and as a part of the project, she’s promoting her neighborhood book club idea, Bookworm Wednesday. She’ll present the ideas put forward in her article series, “How to Start a Book Club” and together we’ll facilitate small-group activities to help participants begin to visualize this kind of project in their own communities.

I remember a time about eight years ago when I had just started my company and was assembling SPARK Peer Tutoring Handbooks in our screened-in porch. As I laminated cards and collated papers, I watched my young children zip around the backyard in their battery-operated Jeep.

In my mind’s-eye, I had a vivid flash of those same kids in high school, traveling with me to speak at conferences and school districts around the country. I remember smiling to myself, thinking, “That would be so cool.”

And it is.

If you’ve been reading this series, you know our goal is to have our second mortgage paid off within a year. Part One in this series is here.

You may think our plan is silly, or unattainable. You may think we’ve been frivolous in the past – or that the cuts we’re making are ludicrous. Whatever frame of reference you’ve come from, I hope I’ve offered some food for thought.

A FEW LESSONS WE’VE LEARNED

We tend to spend what we have – in order to make mortgage-paydown a priority, we need to budget it like a bill.

If we didn’t look at the cumulative savings, we wouldn’t choose to tighten the belt at all. Saving ten dollars here and there did not offer us enough incentive to bother with a budget. A complete budget recalibration was in order. When I did the math to look at annual savings in multiple areas of the budget, I finally understood how much money was slipping through the cracks.

We don’t miss what we’ve cut out of the budget. So the fact some of the cuts are short-term (like travel) should make this whole process far simpler than we thought it would be.

Our pay-down went faster once the loan amount was less. The bank gets most of your payment early in the amortization, so the quicker you can reduce the balance, the better.

For instance:
• If you owe 100,000 at a rate of 5% and amortized at 15 years, only $375 of your $800 payment goes toward the principle on your loan.
• If you’ve paid it down to $50,000, $575 goes to principle.
• At $25,000, $685 of your $800 payment pays down your loan.

An excellent credit score translates to thousands saved in closing costs. Know your score and if it’s low, figure out what’s bogging you down.

Spreadsheets can be FUN - especially when you watch the loan balance decrease by leaps and bounds. The decreasing loan amount and budgeted monthly expenditures are tangible outcomes that validate your efforts when achieved.

Some budget cuts should be permanent. Some can be temporary. Both are good.

Ours is just a smaller second mortgage. But you have to start somewhere, right? Other families may need to start by paying off their car loans or credit card debt. Will we pay it off in a year? I hope so. Either way, we know we’ll have developed habits that last a lifetime – and we’ll have passed on these habits to our kids.

Our first mortgage? Well that’s a different story – and one that looks to be about 15 years from its conclusion. But with our new habits in place, after we reach our first goal, I bet we’ll find room in the budget for accelerating these payments as well – while loosening up on some of the sacrifices too.

Thank you for joining me on my Mortgage Payoff 101 series. What is your debt-control goal?

MORTGAGE PAYOFF 101 SERIES:
Getting Started
Monthly Charges
The Credit Card
Sell Your Stuff
Lessons Learned

Zion, Part One is here.

Once we reached the Zion Canyon floor, we found a place to park (difficult, even on a Tuesday in early April) and took a shuttle bus which would carry us to several stops along the Virgin River, which cuts through the Canyon.

While there are many beautiful hikes along the shuttle’s path, my husband and I knew which point would be the most memorable for our kids, since it was the reason we have always claimed Zion is our favorite national park in Utah: Hiking up the Virgin River to the Narrows.

Hiking the Narrows can be dangerous because of flooding — after a rain, the water rushes through the narrow canyon with such force that it can kill those who venture there. But there wasn’t any risk of rain, and although the river was higher than it was when I’d hiked it in the summer 20 years ago, what concerned me most was the frigid temperature. It couldn’t have been much above freezing.

But with a high of nearly 80-degrees air-temperature in the sun, the kids convinced us both we should go on the adventure that would surely create the most memorable journey of our entire trip. This well-worn path directly across from the starting point shows that many have hiked up the narrows. But at this time of year, most are wearing wetsuits.

We followed a pair of Germans as they zig-zagged across the river, so we could watch and see how difficult it might be (we ended up crossing three times up and three times back.) They’d gone without shoes and it seemed hard on their feet, so we left our hiking boots on, a risk to the boots, but not our soles. Although the rushing water reached just above our knees, it came with enough force that the kids were eager to hold Dad’s hands and cross together. As usual, I’m left behind taking photos of the backs of heads;)

A grand site, isn’t it? The only way to get the full magnificence of it is to hike into the Narrows.

As we returned to the starting point, we could see all the Zion visitors watching us. The German we’d followed up he river said,

“They are the tourists, we are the explorers!”

It’s a story our kids will tell their kids…

Southern Utah Series:
Bryce Canyon
ATV and Antelope
Zion National Park
Zion Canyon Family Adventure, Part II
ATV Trails
Mesa Verde, Colorado
Grand Canyon, Arizona

Dear 30-Year-Old Self,

Today we turn 40.

There are a lot of things I wish I could tell you.

For you, the next decade will be a roller-coaster ride, with exhilarating opportunity and success, coupled with stressful self-doubt and sadness.

I would encourage you to slow down, but that simply isn’t your personality right now. You’ll drive yourself at top speed, hitting the highway most of the time, but experiencing many dead ends and U-turns along the way.

Your core values will guide you, so you’ll never get too far off track.

I would tell you to reach out for help when you need it — but you probably won’t understand that’s what you need. Some of your friends may be less stressed than you are, because they choose to live in the same community as the rest of their family, or in a neighborhood, rather than in the country. Your friends depend on other people to help them raise their family. They understand that “it takes a village”. You’ll spend many years trying to do too much, too well, on your own.

But you’ll figure it out eventually.

I would tell you to be patient, but you will tell yourself that for ten years, and only be moderately successful at it. Instead I’ll tell you to keep the faith. The husband you chose is exactly the outstanding man you still want to spend the rest of your life with. And your children, who are little more than babies and mess-makers in your current life, will create the most fulfilling experience you’ve ever had.

You’ve invested your time wisely.

You think a perfectionist is someone with a neatly arranged home, who wears full makeup every day. But not all perfectionists identify with these traits. You’ll come to learn sometimes they have a messy house, but constantly expect more from themselves, no matter what’s happening in their life. They’re rarely completely satisfied with their achievements, and fail to celebrate their small successes.

Some day you’ll discover the happiness that can exist in lower expectations.

You’ll be surprised to discover your 30’s will take you in a wandering full-circle. So don’t burn your bridges.

Old connections will help you begin new journeys.

But the happy rights and regrettable wrongs of your 30’s will all mix to make you the imperfect – but improving – woman that writes this letter.

And I’m proud of that woman.

So forgive yourself more quickly than you think you should.

And smile more often.

And remember that process far outweighs product in every single breath you take.

Oh, and when you wonder about selling your tech stocks?

Just do it.

Love,
Your 40-Year-Old Self