Dear 30-Year-Old Self,

Today we turn 40.

There are a lot of things I wish I could tell you.

For you, the next decade will be a roller-coaster ride, with exhilarating opportunity and success, coupled with stressful self-doubt and sadness.

I would encourage you to slow down, but that simply isn’t your personality right now. You’ll drive yourself at top speed, hitting the highway most of the time, but experiencing many dead ends and U-turns along the way.

Your core values will guide you, so you’ll never get too far off track.

I would tell you to reach out for help when you need it — but you probably won’t understand that’s what you need. Some of your friends may be less stressed than you are, because they choose to live in the same community as the rest of their family, or in a neighborhood, rather than in the country. Your friends depend on other people to help them raise their family. They understand that “it takes a village”. You’ll spend many years trying to do too much, too well, on your own.

But you’ll figure it out eventually.

I would tell you to be patient, but you will tell yourself that for ten years, and only be moderately successful at it. Instead I’ll tell you to keep the faith. The husband you chose is exactly the outstanding man you still want to spend the rest of your life with. And your children, who are little more than babies and mess-makers in your current life, will create the most fulfilling experience you’ve ever had.

You’ve invested your time wisely.

You think a perfectionist is someone with a neatly arranged home, who wears full makeup every day. But not all perfectionists identify with these traits. You’ll come to learn sometimes they have a messy house, but constantly expect more from themselves, no matter what’s happening in their life. They’re rarely completely satisfied with their achievements, and fail to celebrate their small successes.

Some day you’ll discover the happiness that can exist in lower expectations.

You’ll be surprised to discover your 30’s will take you in a wandering full-circle. So don’t burn your bridges.

Old connections will help you begin new journeys.

But the happy rights and regrettable wrongs of your 30’s will all mix to make you the imperfect – but improving – woman that writes this letter.

And I’m proud of that woman.

So forgive yourself more quickly than you think you should.

And smile more often.

And remember that process far outweighs product in every single breath you take.

Oh, and when you wonder about selling your tech stocks?

Just do it.

Love,
Your 40-Year-Old Self

In celebration of my momentous birthday next week, I thought I would honor a few of the characteristics that mark it. Please share your own in comments. I can’t wait to read them!

You might be 40 if…

The boys and girls you had as students in high school are now sending their own children to Kindergarten.

You can count on one hand the number of years before both your kids will be terrorizing other drivers behind the wheel of a car.

You wonder why you wore baggy clothes back when you were skinny.

You wear a ponytail once in a while because pulling your hair back stretches your wrinkles and gives you a natural face-lift.

Your friends keep getting smarter.

You think a boring weekend at home is a gift.

You know you’re going to have to change your about page because you’ll no longer be able to refer to yourself as “30-something.”

You reminisce about photos like this and think, “I’m sure glad someone brought a camera that day!”

After almost a quarter of a century, you’ve reconnected with school classmates on Facebook, and you consider attending a reunion.

Regular hairdresser visits are no longer “optional” or a “luxury” — but rather a budgeted necessity if you don’t want to look 50.

You’re starting to think seriously about the number of years before retirement.

You borrow your sister’s reading glasses and discover there are printed words on maps. You buy your own reading glasses and place them on the tip of your nose while you read the paper, so you can read and have a conversation at the same time.

You more frequently see the big picture, and less often the everyday chaos.

You regularly use the “isms” your mother did – even thought they drove you crazy for the first forty years.

You make sure to include photos of pets and relatives in photo albums, when you used to just include your kids.

You give up on ever looking better than you do right now. And you get yourself into photos as well.

You wish you could give your 30-year-old Self a hug.

You’ve redefined “perfection,” though you still need to regularly remind yourself about your new definition. You’re quicker to forgive yourself.

And you discover, remarkably, that with age you smile more often.

Other “Turning 40″ wisdom from around the Web:

My high school classmate, Erika, on Facebook: “I just realized after I had kids and because I’m getting older – I didn’t need everyone’s approval anymore. Being a mother gave me more confidence and I just need to do things that are best for my family.”

Kim Knapp, Active Rain: “In our thirties we realize who our friends really are, start to really identify our values and come into our own.”

Mary Lou Roe, Thrive:
“I am grateful for every single line and wrinkle that has brought me to this age.”

@RainyDayDiamond via Twitter: “You are never too old for the Mouse. Figured if I had to turn 40, I was gonna have fun…at Disneyland!”

And to keep it all in perspective, here’s a great post from Change of Heart Stress Solutions.

What about you? Do you have more “Turning 40″ milestones to add?

Australian author JJ Cooper did a fun interview with me — you can read my answers to his five questions here. You may learn a few little-known facts about me over there. I’m including this as a part of my “hundred things” that I can never quite finish! After two years of blogging, I’m only listed about 30.

Please go vote for Heather Wilder. She’s one of the youth featured in my book and she’s a finalist for the Energizer Keep Going Hall of Fame. She could win $10,000 for her service efforts. You can vote once per day through July 25.

I’ll be hosting the Carnival of Education next week. Please read my announcement explaining the theme. This week’s carnival is published at Learn Me Good.

And remember you have until 5 PM CST to enter the Spitfire book giveaway.

Have a great weekend!

UPDATE: Thank you all for your excellent input. It helped me tremendously to hear the varying opinions, as well as your very specific rationale for your choices. If you’re interested in seeing the photo I chose, please check out my “About” page.

I’d love your help choosing my self-portrait.

With my impending book release, I figured it was time to publish an updated portrait of myself, and I’d like you to help me decide which one to use on my “About” page. You’ll notice I was unable to locate the “crows-feet removal tool”.

My Canon is in each of the photos because it’s actually taking the pictures. I can probably crop it out, though if you think that would look better, so please share your thoughts. Don’t forget to vote, by clicking one of the radio buttons below the photos. Thanks for visiting!

If you have an opinion about the camera staying or leaving, here are the photos with the camera cropped out:

For more Wordless Wednesday, please visit here or here.

It’s Sponge Bob and Barbies.

It’s pajamas past noon.

It’s joyful.

It’s messy.

It’s an experiment.

Each moment’s results can reflect complete failure… or irrefutable success.

Or they can be inconclusive.

It’s learning something every day.

How do you define motherhood?

This photo is a part of the 5 Minutes for Mom Mother’s Day contest. They’ve teamed up with Eggbeaters to give away $1,000!

For More Wordless Wednesday, please go here or here.