My daughter turned 13 last week and one of the many rites of passage that comes with teenager-hood, is the legal ability to open a Facebook account.
While I have many concerns about this as a parent, I also know that for the next several years I will have significantly more influence over my daughter than I will for the rest of her life after she graduates. And it occurs to me that it’s better to empower her to make good choices while on the Internet, than to ban her from those potentially dangerous opportunities. Since I wrote a book about youth empowerment, I suppose it would also be hypocritical to block her access to avenues, like Facebook, when done in the right way, its use can be a positive way to network and build relationships.
So I’ve written a contract for my new teenager, with guidance from a lot of my Facebook friends who have already established boundaries for their kids, or have thought about the guidelines they would use.
FACEBOOK (FB) GUIDELINES
FRIENDS
• Parents must approve someone before I can add that person as a “friend” because “friends” have access to my profile. Parents and I will be FB “friends.”
• All Facebook “friends” will be people parents have met, or are verified by parents through another trusted adult.
PHOTOS
• All photos posted on FB will be appropriate and fully clothed.
• Photos posted by others will be monitored and my name blocked if inappropriate or disrespectful to me. Profile and friend pics will be blocked from view by strangers.
INFORMATION
• No personal profile contact information will be accessible to anyone, including “friends”.
• I will work with my parent on establishing and maintaining application rules and settings, including the downloading of games.
• My name will not be “searchable” on FB.
• Parents have my FB account password and edit rights on all profile and settings information.
BEHAVIOR
• I will practice appropriate online communication, to prepare myself for other future Web applications. This includes respectful language, careful self-disclosure, basic grammar rules and refusal to participate in any form of cyber-bullying, including the spreading of rumors. I will “unfriend” anyone who is doing or saying hurtful things.
• In all Internet communication, I will consider, “Would I want my grandmother to read this?”
• Facebook time is limited to 15 minutes per day.
I agree to abide by the Facebook guidelines above, and include parents in addressing FB concerns. All terms subject to change by mutual agreement. I understand that if I do not follow them, my Facebook privileges will be suspended.
Do you have any other suggestions? I hope this helps other parents out there who want to empower their teenagers to use Facebook in a positive way – please link to this post and share with all who might benefit!
Tags: Facebook
Like this post? Subscribe to Pass The Torch
RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI
8:29 am
This is brilliant. I especially appreciate the “fully clothed” part.
My girls are right on the heels of this, and I think it is a super smart idea to have clear expectations, that way no one is confused. Awesome parenting! I may steal this in a year of so! 
2:23 pm
I think this is a fantastic idea. Luckily, my children are not yet anywhere near the age of Facebook, but maybe I could pass this on to some almost grown-up cousins of mine – because I sometimes wonder what they are thinking when they post on Facebook.
I think (sadly) there may be the potential for your daughter to learn why you have these rules from the mistakes of others as she spends time on Facebook.
12:27 pm
That is an excellent idea… my oldest has been begging for an account on fb… as well as a cell phone… and much to his chagrin, I have told him that he is not old enough. These are great guidelines to start with once he reaches a more appropriate age.
Thank you!
10:38 am
Kelly: Thanks for sharing this marvelous idea and equipping caring adults with resources to share with the teens in their lives. Your integrity to live your principles of empowering youth are exemplified in this approach to fb. It also reveals your courage to embrace change and your trust in your daughter which I have to believe will be rewarded with even more trust as the years go on. Thanks again for this practical idea.
5:21 pm
My now 15 year old asked for MySpace and FB accounts when she was 13. The rule(s) are: don’t post anything you’d be ashamed of if your grandparents saw it and I will have access to your password. I regularly check both of her accounts and I’m happy to report she’s stayed on track.
1:20 pm
[...] was so relieved when I came across this very well-thought out and totally thorough Facebook Contract from the website Pass The [...]