Our kids (ages 9 and 11) have long understood that “I’m bored” is not an acceptable expression in our family.
It’s not that they don’t get bored, but as parents we expect the kids to take ownership for their own entertainment. Our kids are better at choosing the fun stuff, and we’re better at running the household and managing the family.
Early on, our kids learned that even indirect expressions of boredom – like sibling squabbling and other irritating behavior – meant that they would lose the relative freedom of choosing their own fun activity, and get put to work by Mom or Dad.
Here are six strategies have contributed to our kids’ ability to direct their own activity.
- We ask the kids to brainstorm weekly activities they’d like us to do together. They understand we are cost-conscious, so their favorites are “bike to Dairy Queen” and “tube down the Apple River.” We’ll probably try Letterboxing too. And I add my standby activities as well — library visits, picnic in the park, nature hike, and museum field trips.
- We maintain a summer calendar and scope out which activities are time-sensitive. This gives us something to look forward to and the structure ensures we all know what to expect. Our weekly schedule includes about three hours of schooling (reading, workbooks, journaling, science experiments), regular chores and a field trip or family activity.
- I include the kids on daily errands and projects. Preteens are very helpful with grocery-shopping and post office runs, as well as yard work or staining the deck. If we keep the work to just an hour or two, it isn’t so taxing and they always know there’s a play date or fun activity to look forward to. My kids also prepare their own breakfasts, and take turns making a simple lunch for the three of us. This way we all feel productive.
- We schedule many opportunities for playing with friends – at least three times per week. Since the kids know they can depend on this, they seem more willing to play with each other on the off-times. And whether the kids are at my house or the friends’ house, I can usually work during this time.
- We provide fun stuff the kids can access on their own. We have a craft bar filled with paint and creative supplies, and computer and Playstation games they can use on a limited basis. Craig plays guitar and Darla reads and journals.
- When our kids tell us they don’t know what they can do, we usually respond with an empowering question, like, “What will you do about that?”
While every family experiences a different dynamic, this system has worked for us. And in the long-run, I hope that their ability to self-direct will help them to make healthy choices as teenagers, when risky choices may become more available. What do you do to encourage your kids to find their own healthy entertainment?
This week Shannon is asking for boredom busters, and I’ll be combing her site for morsels of inspiration. I encourage you to join me!
Tags: boredom, Kids, Parenting, summer
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12:33 am
Now that I have teens and preteens, I have so much trouble taking them to the store. It is worse than when they were really little. I come home with $50 more than if I had gone alone, everytime! I need to provide more playdates so they have something to count on, thanks for the great tip!
8:04 am
Great ideas! I love how you answer them by asking them what they are going to do about their boredom. That is terrific! I’m stealing that.
12:27 pm
Perfect timing as it’s just the subject we tackled the last couple of weeks in our house. I think seeing how often we take responsibility for their entertainment is critical and a big part of correcting the problem.
Hugs,
Holly
2:12 pm
Those are good tips for summer. We try to keep the kids busy so they won’t be bored, with lots of field trips, park outings, baseball and swimming planned this summer. I also encourage them to go outside a lot, so when they come in they’ll want to play with Legos, read, or do something quiet.
4:36 pm
I just love your schedule, I really wish I could have one similar. Unfortunately I work full time and only have 22 days a year to be with my kids full time (not including weekends of course) so almost all activities are done by daycare. This situation makes me really sad because I can’t follow my kids on a daily basis. I’m glad someone can.
6:53 pm
Laura – I do feel very fortunate to have this opportunity with them. Not all our moments at home are stellar, though;) There’s a lot to be said for the quality time you do have with your kids.
9:35 am
Great ideas, thanks for sharing! And thanks for stopping by and commenting on my “boredom buster” ideas too.
10:42 pm
Oh – I’m SO going to use these principles in my house. We’ve gotten as far as “I’m Bored” = chores. But I’ve heard in a couple places this week about sitting down together with the kids to discuss the schedule and outings. This will be so good for us! (my girls are 7,4,2 so we are at a great place to implement some long-term strategies).
Great blog!
thank you.
3:54 am
This is a great list to refer to. I am definitely going to use this for all my kids school holidays and I feel my kids will feel happy to be involved in helping to decide what activities they can do.
6:27 pm
I love the question you ask, “What will you do about that?” I can even start using that with my kids (nearly 4 and just over 1) to help them see that THEY have the power to change things with their actions – a lesson that we’re working hard to teach our older child through example and baby steps! Even preschoolers can learn to see how they make a difference through their choices.
I’m bookmarking your site to refer back to your list of ideas – I think they’re fantastic and I’m already brainstorming ways that I can adapt it to our family of younger kids!
10:12 am
nice post
I have a nine and thirteen year old, and if they say they are bored they will be doing chores. That is the way my mom raised me. it is a taboo saying around here also.