Chilihead is hosting a “Children’s Chores and Allowance” carnival, and I thought I’d give my two cents, along some tips that are really working for us.
My kids are ages 8 and 10. They receive a weekly allowance of $4 and $6 respectively. They also periodically earn money from packaging our educational products. They’ve done this since ages 3 and 5. From their allowance, they’re expected to donate at least $1 to charity and put something in their savings account each week. They can spend no more than $1.50 per week on candy. The rest is up to them.
Both kids keep their rooms picked up, stuff clean clothing into their dressers fold and put away their own laundry, make their beds, put their own dirty dishes in the sink, and make their own breakfast (and sack lunch, if they don’t like what will be served at school.) D has two additional chores — taking out the garbage and unloading the dishwasher daily. They also help us with family projects, and we only pay them extra for these if they’re strenuous (leave raking, shoveling snow.) There’s an assumption that everyone helps to make the house run. There’s no hesitation if I say, “C, will you please set the table?” or “D, will you please check to make sure the cat has food and water?” I hesitate to call many of these responsibilities “chores” because they are just daily necessities, and I’m sure there are many more regular expectations I haven’t listed.
Each year on their birthdays, they’ll receive one additional dollar per week, and one additional chore (which they can help to choose.)
We’ve tried other systems, and tried paying more in return for more chores, but I found that this amount and expectation is manageable, and the chores are completed at my standard.
TIP #1: CHOOSE CHORES THAT ARE BLACK AND WHITE
Chores that are either done, or not done (ie, dishes are either in the dishwasher, or they’re not; garbage is either taken out, or it’s not) are less likely to cause frustration. My kids’ standard for “clean” is different than mine.
TIP #2: MAKE GENTLE REMINDERS A PART OF YOUR DAY
I used to get angry that my kids hadn’t taken care of a responsibility. I’d yell and take it personally. But really? They’re just clueless — not mean-spirited. I found out that if I politely remind them to take care of things, they do it without a fuss. Reminding myself that the point of the chore is to get the work done, I stopped the drama and just accepted reminders as a part of my routine.
TIP #3: GIVE THEM OWNERSHIP
I let the kids help choose which chores they’d like to do (beyond the required basics.) This doesn’t mean that I’ll always agree to their choice, or that it will work out longterm, but if D wants to trade taking out the garbage, for cleaning toilets, we’ll definitely discuss.
While our kids would like to earn more money than they do, and D is constantly explaining how much more allowance her friends get, I’m comfortable with the current arrangement for now. If we paid what her friends get, we’d probably expect our kids to start buying their own school clothes and birthday party gifts.
Different systems work in different families and I’m so anxious to read what others do. What chores do your kids do?? Don’t forget to visit Chilihead to read the other posts in the carnival. This post is also a part of the Carnival of Family Life. For more great tips, please visit Rocks in my Dryer.
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Tags: allowance, chores, responsibility
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11:38 pm
I like this. I’ve been thinking a lot about chores and allowance lately. I haven’t really discussed it with hubby, but I am leaning towards a system that isn’t really based on payment per chore, but more like a small portion of spending money as a member of the family, but only on the condition that they pitch in and work as a member of the family (and with a good attitude!) Of course it would be small, but the main goal would be to teach money management. I’ve always thought it important to teach my kids early, I graduated not really knowing how to manage mine. Still have trouble! So I think this is important, don’t you? Right now we have a system where everyone works together (mine are 7, 4, and almost 2.) and the 7 year old has a chore that is hers alone, though the 4 year old often helps her (cleaning their bathroom counter, floor, and trash). I really like the idea of adding a dollar and a chore each year. What a help!
12:04 am
Great collection of ideas! Thanks for sharing! It’s always helpful to hear what other families do with their children.
Duckabush Blog
1:10 am
I like tip #2. I have one kid who I am on EVERYDAY. Drives me nuts. The chore doesn’t change. Yet, she DOES look clueless. But I figured it couldn’t be that. lol I mean the trash needs to be emptied everyday but now that some one else is saying they are really clueless it helps me to believe it really is so.
11:35 am
What great tips! I don’t know a single mom who isn’t always looking for new and helpful ways to get her kids to do chores successfully!
Hugs,
Holly
1:23 pm
Interesting to read what other families do.
Thanks!
8:27 am
TIPS FOR CHORES AND ALLOWANCE
Here I give some tips that have worked for us, regarding chores and allowance. It’s part of a carnival where many parents are sharing their advice. Join in!
10:00 am
Excellent. I’m curious as to how you came up with the allowance number?
We are planning a family meeting this week to discuss our chores/allowance decisions. Thank you so much for participating. You always have great info.
11:16 am
Thanks for the input. Lately we’re struggling with chores more often than not and we’re trying to see what works without the screaming matches!
2:16 pm
It’s true that kids are clueless! The rule around our house is that kids must tell me when they’re done with a job so I can come check it. If I haven’t checked it yet, it’s not done.
Great post.
6:30 pm
Thank you all for your comments.
And Chili – I read somewhere once the suggestion of one dollar per year of age, but that just seemed like more money than they would spend responsibly. Too much junk, which results in more mess and more work for me. I don’t like “stuff” for the sake of “stuff”.
Last year when we homeschooled, I gave more chores, and more money, but it was frustrating because they never did the jobs well enough for my expectations. This works for us because its a doable amount of effort, expectation, and pay.
I hope this helps!
3:38 am
My 5 year old has been asking to do chores so she can save her money to buy High School Musical things. This was a great informative post for me!
4:09 pm
This something we are struggling with with Anna, and we still haven’t found a system that really works. BUT I think you made a great point about there being different standards for what is considered clean.
I’m going to have to rethink what Anna is capable of and what is also age appropriate. Her chore chart needs a revamp because some of the things on there are things she should be doing everyday anyway, and while they were appropriate to motivate her to do them when she was 4-5 (brushing teeth etc), I think we can eliminate them from the chore chart now so her list of things to do doesn’t seem so overwhelming.
2:09 pm
[...] On ALLOWANCE & CHORES: kellyc presents TIPS FOR CHORES AND ALLOWANCE posted at Pass the Torch, saying, “Tips for chores and allowance that have worked for her family. She invites you to share yours as well.” (approve) [...]
10:05 pm
The key thing you noted here (that I hadn’t before considered) was to choose chores that are black and white. You ARE right–clean IS a relative term! That’s helpful to think of it that way.
We have never given allowances (my husband isn’t wild about it), but we do compensate them for the big jobs. Keeping their room straight, putting away clothes, and helping in the kitchen is expected. We’ve discussed allowances, but I can’t believe they haven’t pushed it…I guess those “big jobs” come often enough and at the right times …
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Great ideas, you’ve clearly thought these through.
10:41 pm
My daughter loves doing the dishes for me (go figure!), and also has the responsibility of feeding our dog and cat, and making sure they have fresh water inside and out. I recently started her a bank account, and now transfer her allowance directly in every week. After reading your article, I feel quite mean, since I only give her $2 per week! This system works really well though, because she can see through her bank balance how much $2 mounts up to over a year, and her account gives her a terrific interest rate – far better than mine.
I like the ideas in this article though, and I certainly relate to the “gentle reminders” part. Luckily, the pets remind Miss M of their own accord – and they’re far more pushy than me.
10:06 am
The first and most important lesson I taught my kids was to do what they’re told. After that came chores and household tasks. I do not rewardmy kids (2 boys) for things I would expect them to do normally i.e. tidying up their room, helping put stuff away around the house and helping in the kitchen etc. I DO reward them for doing things that are extraneous like helping me pick up after myself, collecting all the rubbish around the house, walking MY dog because I’m too busy to do it. They both get a generous allowance a hundred pounds a month, wait a sec, out of it they are expected to save at least 20%, buy any needed items, pay for their school meals and bus/train journeys. It was awful for the first 6 months, they used it all up on games and toys and snacks. After a few hard lessons they (I still get headaches thinking about it) learnt to balance the money they even got to the extent of learning that “if I avoid buying this now and wait a few months it will be cheaper so I will be able to buy more/the collectors edition/the 10Gb one” et al. I love my two boys but I have also realised that you have to give children enough rope and if you handle it correctly and stick by your convictions they won’t hang themselves but will learn valuable lessons.
The best thing is that by giving them a monthly allowance and showing them how to work it, I can have frank and painless discussion about money with them. Unlike myself, they have to problems talking about money with me or my wife, myself, my father gave me nightmares about money and his “let’s sit down and see what you spent this month, get your bank slips out”. Money destroyed my relationship with my parents, I’m glad it has not destroyed mine with my sons.
12:01 am
Little Paychecks
Allowance?
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