Comments on: The Secret Ingredient http://2passthetorch.com/2007/04/24/the-secret-ingredient/ The better ME I can be, the better MOM I can be. Wed, 17 Mar 2010 11:02:52 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Kelly http://2passthetorch.com/2007/04/24/the-secret-ingredient/comment-page-1/#comment-113658 Kelly Wed, 10 Mar 2010 12:17:24 +0000 http://2passthetorch.com/2007/03/13/the-secret-ingredient/#comment-113658 Clearly, this idea wouldn't work with all families. Children who never exhibit good behavior in public would never have the opportunity to get "caught" being good, so then it would be a bribe. In our family, it worked because they were so good already. It was a way to celebrate the fact they made our travels so enjoyable. Sometimes kids also need parents who are willing to lighten up and enjoy a secret family game that celebrates them being the "good" they already are. "The secret ingredient" is one tiny snippet in our lives - not the way we interact in every situation. We've long since stopped these "payments", but the inside joke remains. People that know my kids or read my blog know that now at 11 and 13, they're becoming fabulous people, who enjoy internal motivation, critical thinking and strong relationships with their parents. They also laugh a lot. Clearly, this idea wouldn’t work with all families. Children who never exhibit good behavior in public would never have the opportunity to get “caught” being good, so then it would be a bribe. In our family, it worked because they were so good already. It was a way to celebrate the fact they made our travels so enjoyable.

Sometimes kids also need parents who are willing to lighten up and enjoy a secret family game that celebrates them being the “good” they already are. “The secret ingredient” is one tiny snippet in our lives – not the way we interact in every situation.

We’ve long since stopped these “payments”, but the inside joke remains. People that know my kids or read my blog know that now at 11 and 13, they’re becoming fabulous people, who enjoy internal motivation, critical thinking and strong relationships with their parents.

They also laugh a lot.

]]> By: Family Matters http://2passthetorch.com/2007/04/24/the-secret-ingredient/comment-page-1/#comment-113570 Family Matters Wed, 10 Mar 2010 04:19:05 +0000 http://2passthetorch.com/2007/03/13/the-secret-ingredient/#comment-113570 3 years from 5 and 7 is 8 and 10. You'll come back to this in a few years, I'm afraid, when your kids become teenagers and develop critical thinking. You see, young children thrive on making their parents happy, but teens ... well, some of them thrive on the opposite, and yours already know what to do: they'll just be obnoxious in public and ask for inflationary adjustments to their rewards. I believe kids should be raise to have internal motivation, such as having a good time while they travel and enjoying their time with their family, rather than external motivation, such as being paid or making their parents proud. The former will last them a lifetime, while the latter will become a two-edged sword and leave them with no way to motivate themselves when they leave home. 3 years from 5 and 7 is 8 and 10. You’ll come back to this in a few years, I’m afraid, when your kids become teenagers and develop critical thinking.

You see, young children thrive on making their parents happy, but teens … well, some of them thrive on the opposite, and yours already know what to do: they’ll just be obnoxious in public and ask for inflationary adjustments to their rewards.

I believe kids should be raise to have internal motivation, such as having a good time while they travel and enjoying their time with their family, rather than external motivation, such as being paid or making their parents proud. The former will last them a lifetime, while the latter will become a two-edged sword and leave them with no way to motivate themselves when they leave home.

]]> By: Jessica http://2passthetorch.com/2007/04/24/the-secret-ingredient/comment-page-1/#comment-89542 Jessica Thu, 12 Feb 2009 04:21:15 +0000 http://2passthetorch.com/2007/03/13/the-secret-ingredient/#comment-89542 Kerstin, I'm guessing that they don't get compliments that often. Maybe, once a week? That's about $50 a year... at such a slow rate they probably blow it on little goodies. I'm going to give this a try in a few years... mine is still too young to misbehave in the store. :) Kerstin, I’m guessing that they don’t get compliments that often. Maybe, once a week? That’s about $50 a year… at such a slow rate they probably blow it on little goodies.

I’m going to give this a try in a few years… mine is still too young to misbehave in the store. :)

]]> By: Kerstin http://2passthetorch.com/2007/04/24/the-secret-ingredient/comment-page-1/#comment-86194 Kerstin Wed, 24 Dec 2008 20:59:33 +0000 http://2passthetorch.com/2007/03/13/the-secret-ingredient/#comment-86194 I like the idea but I can also see this backfiring. What happens when they figure they have enough money to get whatever they wanted at the time and stop trying to earn money? I like the idea but I can also see this backfiring. What happens when they figure they have enough money to get whatever they wanted at the time and stop trying to earn money?

]]> By: MAGGIE AT COFFEESHOPMAFIA http://2passthetorch.com/2007/04/24/the-secret-ingredient/comment-page-1/#comment-64762 MAGGIE AT COFFEESHOPMAFIA Sat, 03 May 2008 02:00:50 +0000 http://2passthetorch.com/2007/03/13/the-secret-ingredient/#comment-64762 Sorry that was suppose to say GREAT IDEA ! Mine always behave in public. It's home that they drive me crazy. Sorry that was suppose to say

GREAT IDEA !

Mine always behave in public. It’s home that they drive me crazy.

]]> By: MAGGIE AT COFFEESHOPMAFIA http://2passthetorch.com/2007/04/24/the-secret-ingredient/comment-page-1/#comment-64760 MAGGIE AT COFFEESHOPMAFIA Sat, 03 May 2008 02:00:05 +0000 http://2passthetorch.com/2007/03/13/the-secret-ingredient/#comment-64760 http://maggie.coffeeshopmafia.com/ http://maggie.coffeeshopmafia.com/

]]> By: Jenny http://2passthetorch.com/2007/04/24/the-secret-ingredient/comment-page-1/#comment-64640 Jenny Thu, 01 May 2008 12:47:45 +0000 http://2passthetorch.com/2007/03/13/the-secret-ingredient/#comment-64640 I can't get mine to behave in public no matter what. It'll start out good but then go to hell in about an hour. I can’t get mine to behave in public no matter what. It’ll start out good but then go to hell in about an hour.

]]> By: Hazel http://2passthetorch.com/2007/04/24/the-secret-ingredient/comment-page-1/#comment-64607 Hazel Thu, 01 May 2008 00:39:44 +0000 http://2passthetorch.com/2007/03/13/the-secret-ingredient/#comment-64607 How ridiculous. Really? Seriously? You pay them to have nice manners? It's no wonder why children become spoiled in America. Now, sincere congeniality counts for nothing? And instead, your children will now learn that it comes with a price. Way to go, SuperMom. Great lesson to teach your children: That money can be used for even the purest and most simplest traits in life: genuine kindness. I hope your robot children will be happy with their hundreds of dollars and fake kindness. How ridiculous.
Really? Seriously? You pay them to have nice manners?
It’s no wonder why children become spoiled in America. Now, sincere congeniality counts for nothing? And instead, your children will now learn that it comes with a price. Way to go, SuperMom. Great lesson to teach your children: That money can be used for even the purest and most simplest traits in life: genuine kindness. I hope your robot children will be happy with their hundreds of dollars and fake kindness.

]]> By: Pass The Torch » Passing the Torch at Collector’s Corner http://2passthetorch.com/2007/04/24/the-secret-ingredient/comment-page-1/#comment-60589 Pass The Torch » Passing the Torch at Collector’s Corner Fri, 29 Feb 2008 13:33:59 +0000 http://2passthetorch.com/2007/03/13/the-secret-ingredient/#comment-60589 [...] Hmpf. Two more dollars bite the dust. [...] [...] Hmpf. Two more dollars bite the dust. [...]

]]> By: Pass The Torch » I guess I’ll keep him http://2passthetorch.com/2007/04/24/the-secret-ingredient/comment-page-1/#comment-21536 Pass The Torch » I guess I’ll keep him Tue, 08 May 2007 12:29:45 +0000 http://2passthetorch.com/2007/03/13/the-secret-ingredient/#comment-21536 [...] Another dollar bites the dust. [...] [...] Another dollar bites the dust. [...]

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