When our kids were younger, people would ask us how we got them to behave so well in public.
It’s simple really.
We paid them.
For the past few years, we’ve had a standing deal. It started when we embarked on a tour of Europe with our then five- and seven-year-old. We knew it was a big undertaking to drag young children across the Atlantic, and then another 3,000 miles through five countries.
So our kids earned one dollar for each compliment they received about their behavior.
Truthfully, their behavior in public was excellent before we started doing this, and the fact they already received compliments gave us the idea. It was more “catching them being good” and offering an incentive to continue, than it was ever a bribe. It became a secret family game.
And three years later, we’re still doling out dollars on a regular basis, without them making a conscious effort. Their excellent behavior does not always earn praise, but persistent practice of manners has ultimately created a habit. Now in public situations, we quietly burst with pride as our children exhibit conduct you just can’t buy.
And without fail, their priceless smiles silently tease, “You owe us a dollar.”
Yeah, they got one at the grocery store last month. Punks.
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Tags: compliments, good behavior, parenting travel tip
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5:43 am
I might have to try this. I don’t think it would cost me much money for a while. . . .
7:10 am
Found you this morning through WFMW….I’m glad I stopped in!! Great blog here, I’ll be back for more.
PS Love the “we’re still nowhere” conversation. LOL
8:11 am
AWESOME IDEA!!!!! I have a brood of 3 kids. We have gotten compliments on their behavior in restaurants which make me float on air for days! I’m taking this one. With three boys, I think a dollar might break the bank once they catch on, but they’re young enough that dimes and nickels are big bucks for them!!! Thanks so much. I’m definitely taking this idea!
8:16 am
Glad you all like the idea! Thanks for stopping by!
9:46 am
I love this! You always have such great ideas and you’re right, the results of good manners and great kids are priceless!
Hugs,
Holly
10:44 am
hysterical! that’s awesome…
10:10 pm
My first thought was I would never pay my kids to behave and have good manners because that is just what I expect out of them. HOWEVER, if it works and it does motivate them to be more polite then I don’t see any harm in it. I’m DEFINITELY giving this a try. Great idea!!
2:11 am
I will be well behaved too /?????
6:27 am
Thanks Holly!
Lifeasamama – it totally works;)
Jen – I know what you mean. We also feel that kids should just have good behavior, without being tangibly rewarded. But the compliment thing means someone ELSE catches them being good, which is the next levelm. My kids aren’t cheesy to get compliments or anything, it just happens, and then it’s this inside joke.
Okay, Pamela, if I get a compliment about your behavior, I’ll give you a dollar;)
5:16 pm
I used to do something similar to this when my son was young. The grocery store where we shopped had a large antique firetruck parked in its lot (we were close to a college), and my son loved to climb on it. If he behaved himself in the grocery, I gave him a penny. Then he had a choice–he could buy a gum ball with the penny, or he could climb on the firetruck. I could use that same penny quite a few times before he decided he wanted a gum ball.
11:47 pm
They’ll work so hard for such small rewards, don’t they!! Thanks for sharing this, Susan!
1:27 pm
That is an awesome idea. I am definitely going to try this.
1:49 pm
Awesome idea! Yes, my kids are usually well behaved while out… it’s at home I have to worry about.LOL!
BTW, I love that you called your kids punks.
2:18 pm
Dana and Mary – so glad you like the idea! And Mary – I can completely relate about behavior at home versus behavior in public;)
7:29 am
[...] Another dollar bites the dust. [...]
8:33 am
[...] Hmpf. Two more dollars bite the dust. [...]
7:39 pm
How ridiculous.
Really? Seriously? You pay them to have nice manners?
It’s no wonder why children become spoiled in America. Now, sincere congeniality counts for nothing? And instead, your children will now learn that it comes with a price. Way to go, SuperMom. Great lesson to teach your children: That money can be used for even the purest and most simplest traits in life: genuine kindness. I hope your robot children will be happy with their hundreds of dollars and fake kindness.
7:47 am
I can’t get mine to behave in public no matter what. It’ll start out good but then go to hell in about an hour.
9:00 pm
http://maggie.coffeeshopmafia.com/
9:00 pm
Sorry that was suppose to say
GREAT IDEA !
Mine always behave in public. It’s home that they drive me crazy.
3:59 pm
I like the idea but I can also see this backfiring. What happens when they figure they have enough money to get whatever they wanted at the time and stop trying to earn money?
11:21 pm
Kerstin, I’m guessing that they don’t get compliments that often. Maybe, once a week? That’s about $50 a year… at such a slow rate they probably blow it on little goodies.
I’m going to give this a try in a few years… mine is still too young to misbehave in the store.
10:19 pm
3 years from 5 and 7 is 8 and 10. You’ll come back to this in a few years, I’m afraid, when your kids become teenagers and develop critical thinking.
You see, young children thrive on making their parents happy, but teens … well, some of them thrive on the opposite, and yours already know what to do: they’ll just be obnoxious in public and ask for inflationary adjustments to their rewards.
I believe kids should be raise to have internal motivation, such as having a good time while they travel and enjoying their time with their family, rather than external motivation, such as being paid or making their parents proud. The former will last them a lifetime, while the latter will become a two-edged sword and leave them with no way to motivate themselves when they leave home.
6:17 am
Clearly, this idea wouldn’t work with all families. Children who never exhibit good behavior in public would never have the opportunity to get “caught” being good, so then it would be a bribe. In our family, it worked because they were so good already. It was a way to celebrate the fact they made our travels so enjoyable.
Sometimes kids also need parents who are willing to lighten up and enjoy a secret family game that celebrates them being the “good” they already are. “The secret ingredient” is one tiny snippet in our lives – not the way we interact in every situation.
We’ve long since stopped these “payments”, but the inside joke remains. People that know my kids or read my blog know that now at 11 and 13, they’re becoming fabulous people, who enjoy internal motivation, critical thinking and strong relationships with their parents.
They also laugh a lot.